Predator ( A person who ruthlessly exploits others )

Looking back I can almost pinpoint the moment I became aware it was Liam’s intention to break me … He criticised me continuously and had an opinion on every aspect of my life.  I felt slightly awkward as the disparaging remarks about my husband came thick and fast and momentarily I felt the need to defend him … In hindsight of course I see it was a deliberate ploy to distance me further from my husband and draw me closer to him …

My dependancy on Liam grew more and more each day until out of nowhere my OCD returned and I’d make deals with myself … extensively overthinking to ensure the thing I dreaded most would not occur … persistently washing and scrubbing my hands … repeating things over and over in my head … and a deep depression, a feeling of hopelessness and inability to motivate … but still I convinced myself only Liam could make it better, even though it was Liam that was causing it …

It was just before the first images arrived that Liam gave me a lesson in creating folders … Of course he was only watching his own back but at the time he described it as something exclusive to us … something we could both enjoy …

I probably have all the conversations we shared in these folders. This is one very early on in our “relationship” …

Liam:  It would be wonderful to have the privacy and dare I say the intimacy of being able to chat on Skype or Yahoo. I’d love to find a way of us being able to share with eachother. Have you an idea even as to where I’m coming from or how I feel about being this close to you?

Jo: Perhaps you could elaborate slightly?

Liam: I suppose the real question is are you comfortable with it?

Jo: Comfortable with what? I’m not on Skype or Yahoo. How does it work?

Liam: The Yahoo one is just a chat site. Perhaps easier to keep private if you want that.

Jo: Private in what way?

Liam: Theen there is MSN Messenger which probably comes with your computer. You’re probably in the same boat as me in that finding space and time isn’t the easiest thing in the world.

Jo: Would that involve us seeing and hearing eachother or just typing?

Liam: Jo, please don’t think I just want to use Skype or Yahoo so I can see you. I don’t care what you look like. You’re just someone who has impacted on my life in the most beautiful way.

Jo: Forgive the delay … just had to catch my breath there for a moment … You must understand, I’m at a loss as to how to receive compliments … its been such a very long time … You have such a powerful way with words … I’m almost unsure how to answer …

Liam: Remember this Jo, I only say what I mean and I mean what I say. I’m thrilled you found my words powerful. I don’t know how you did it and I don’t care but you have decorated my life. I hope that doesn’t sound stupid.

Jo: Of course not. I’m very flattered.

Liam: You’re beautiful. Am I treading in an area I shouldn’t tread?

Jo: You are very sweet.

Liam: Jo, you didn’t answer the last bit of the question. Maybe you shouldn’t.

Jo: xx

Liam: xxxx

Liam: Jo, you still didn’t answer. I miss you already.

Jo: I’m still here.

Liam: Can you stay with me for a while?

Jo: Of course, it will be my pleasure.

Guest blog continued …

I want to thank you for sharing my story, I hope it helps in some small way. I tried to reply to the comment but was unable to, so I am emailing you again. My answer to the comment is : I really can’t take credit for “finding him out”. There is but one lady we can thank for that, one lady brave enough to speak out knowing full well there will be much sympathy for “Liam” due to his tragic past. But yes I agree, my instincts are good …

It goes without saying I would never have made contact had I felt he would be a threat or indeed an online predator …

Like Himself bad things happened to me at an early age and I believe they influenced my choices later in life. Sadly I have always been “easily led”.

At 15 the son of a family friend took an interest in me, he was eight years older. He did nothing that was inappropriate sexually, indeed the only physical contact was a brief kiss on my cheek.

My mother, always busy with my younger siblings, was happy that he helped me with my homework, took me into town shopping and kept me company on the evenings she worked late.

He showered me with compliments (much the same way Liam did)  … I had beautiful eyes … hair … a lovely figure … and more … I was his best friend.

He made me feel very grown-up, my first visit to a pub was with him and my first drink … a half of lager was bought by himself. He introduced me to cigarettes vodka and marijuana but still had never laid a finger on me …

He changed completely on my sixteenth birthday. He held me down and raped me telling me “you belong to me” and things would never be the same again … seven weeks later I was pregnant.

Mammy, frantic that I should not have a child out of wedlock insisted we marry.

My new husband it transpired, not only sold drugs but was heavily into them himself. He seemed constantly under pressure, the phone was always ringing ( we never had mobiles then) he was always dashing off somewhere … It seemed he no longer wanted me.

And then the chance phone call … a woman asking for him and of course I asked for her name, so he could return her call. Big mistake, I learned quickly to never ask questions, to “mind my own buisness”. The first time he beat me I laid on the floor seeing stars as he hollered what I could and couldn’t do or say …

Our beautiful son, born eight months later, underweight and with severe breathing problems did nothing to bring us closer. While I watched him in his incubater, struggling to breathe and praying to God he would survive, my husband I later discovered was in the arms of another woman …

It mattered little that he was absent, my only thought at the time was for my son. He was, and is a fighter, he survived, and today is a fine young made I am extremely proud of.

My husband you would think, would be elated … but no … it was almost as though he was competing with his own son. I remember well the nights I paced the floor, soothing my son who did what all babies did … cried, and the intolerance of my husband, threatening to put him in the garden … like a dog. My sons ( I had another fifteen months later) as I did myself lived in fear of his rages and even now in my mind I hear their screams as they helplessly watched their father beating their mother.

And then the beating of all beatings, my children rescued by my neighbour and waking in hospital three days later severely disfigured. But the comfort … my children were safe and my husband was behind bars on remand for ABH.

It was the wake-up call I needed, I knew I had to get away, my children had to be safe. We have a good life now and no longer look over our shoulders.

And then Liam … how I cried reading his words, and how I wanted to comfort him, empahise …

He was so very easy to talk to, he listened in a way no one had in years. I was so grateful he took the time to listen. But it was very short lived, I would be typing and he would disregard my words, he asked what I was wearing, if I had a boyfriend …

Very soon all conversations were about him, he said things that made me feel awkward and I had to bypass them. The long silences started … I asked if he were busy … perhaps talking to someone else but he denied it. I remember so well the times my husband put others first and told Liam in no uncertain terms …look just forget it, I don’t do queues. He offered to meet me … to prove a point … but of course he cancelled.

He is a very dangerous person, a predator, I know the signs so well. This man has gained the trust of vulnerable women on the strength of his tragic childhood. He has abused his position shamelessly, its truely scandalous. He should be made an example of.

( This was only meant to be a comment! sorry )