Food for thought.

There was something so very comforting in suddenly having a man paying me so much attention and showering me with endless compliments …In my day to day life I felt somehow surplus to requirements … an inconvenience … To be chosen over a football match or Top Gear did wonders for my self esteem and I very much embraced the closeness that was developing between Liam and myself … I felt at times he was asking me much more than was necessary, but not wanting to appear unfriendly, I answered some and bypassed others … I was perhaps, slightly less forthcoming than he had hoped though … And so it continued … the oh so lighthearted banter that seemed utterly harmless … But all too soon there were innuendos … and inappropriate comments, and hard as I tried to, in some way, not respond, it caused much confusion and awkwardness on my part. I looked back on our conversations to see if I had inadvertently said something he may have misconstrued, that gave him the impression I was interested in him sexually …but there was nothing. I think its inevitable that at some point in our lives we are drawn to, attracted to, people we simply cannot have. And so, as adults, we must decide whether we can settle for just friendship, and if we are unable to, we must walk away. Liam had no conscience, no thought for anyone but himself, and it mattered little to him that the women he hit on were either married or in a relationship … He did, of course have an agenda, his women were very carefully handpicked and had to be either lonely needy vulnerable housebound or impressionable … of course if they suffered with low self esteem it was an added bonus .. Some would no doubt say I entered into the relationship with my eyes open, but I would have to disagree. He was charming and manipulative, but most of all persistant. Liam spent many hours convincing me to have a relationship with him, and when I finally surrendered, due to immense emotional pressure, he wasted no time in clarifying what he wanted of me … The naked images I was to send him of me, he explained, were for him and him only, just as those he sent to me were for my eyes only … Forgive me laughing out loud … but is there a woman, who was involved with Liam that has NOT seen the white CK shots??! … The ones in which it was impossible to ascertain whether he was aroused or not …( Clearly those images will always guarantee him an instant sympathy vote …) but I wasn’t playing ball … I didn’t possess a camera and was therefore unable to oblige … The silent treatment he apportioned to me on many occasions, when I was unwilling to do what he asked of me was nothing short of torture. How I agonised over doing something that felt decidedly wrong, or losing his friendship, was extremely stressful, but thankfully common sense prevailed and I stuck to my guns. But Himself was not happy, he would blank me for long periods of time … I was inconsolable … devastated … I watched as he blatently flirted with other women, without a care in the world, and I forced myself to do something, anything to obliterate him from my thoughts … But Liam was not the first manipulative man I had encountered ( although I feel he may be the last) and making the first move was simply not an option … He always came back …I feel he would even now … but the door is firmly bolted …